Growing up in Kolkata

I thought it would be easy to write about my growing up years in Kolkata, but seems not. For a long time, now I don’t remember how long, after I got married and moved to Mumbai I kept defending Kolkata in any discussion vis a vis Mumbai. Mumbaites, have no patience for a city like Kolkata. They think it’s a dirty city, Kolkata people are lazy, nobody is bothered about any progress there, the traffic is crazy and the only thing the calcuttans are good at is endless talking/gossiping (adda in Bengali) and drinking tea. Now it has been more than twelve years since I moved out of Kolkata, so my love for my home city is not as clouded as it was back then. It is easier for me to accept the facts that yes, there are problems, but still nothing takes away the charm of Kolkata, despite all its flaws. The language itself is a charmer. Robindro Songeet playing at traffic signal makes you sing even when you are having a bad day. When a shopkeeper who is much older than you addresses you – “ Ma aar kichu chayi” ( meaning- mother do u want anything more) , it makes you feel so very loved. When we were growing up in Kolkata thirty years back, the city had a different charm. How in one word a Bengali can address you as a Mother and a daughter at the same time is still a mystery to me. During Durga Puja, the city reverberates with the sound of dhak (loud drums) and Anjali (ritual of worshipping Goddess Durga with Sanskrit chantings)  in the morning. Everybody dresses up in their new clothes and only one question is asked by every child and teenager- Pujoye koto jama holo- meaning how many dresses did you get for this festival. The mashis, pishis, ma, baba, dida, jethu, kaku, even khurtoto mashis, shower their young nieces and nephews with dresses. A Bengali looks forward to Durga Puja the whole year and rightfully so. The six days in the city from (Panchami to doshomi), are only for fun and festivities. The whole city comes to a standstill till doshomi, which is usually the visarjan (immersion of the huge Durga idols) day.

I grew up in a very typical Bengali middle class para (locality), in south Calcutta, where ours was the only Marwari family. My younger sister learnt to talk in Bengali first; she picked up Hindi, our own mother tongue, only after she started school. We lived in a two storied building in which the ground floor was occupied by a Bengali family and the first and second floors were occupied by us.

We used to call the lady of the house “ Boro Ma” means the eldest mother and her husband as “Jethu”, means the elder brother of my father. I don’t know how these relationships started and formed but I fondly remember boro ma. She had the white European skin, very smooth, absolutely blemish free, and the softest and the gentlest possible touch and voice. Their household comprised of herself, Jethu, their two sons (Bor da and Chor da), her two-widowed sister in laws and two young girls. We used to address her sis in laws as Mej di means the middle one and Shej di means the one before the youngest. The two young girls – Dalia and Shoheli – were the daughters of Jethu’s elder brother who lived in the ancestral village, and the girls had come to Kolkata to study and make something out of their life. These girls were older to my sis, and me but still we became friends. We spent many afternoons in boroma’s house playing carom, Chinese checkers, reading or just generally sitting with them and then playing badminton outdoors with the girls. My mom somehow was always busy in the kitchen and Dad was never around during playtimes. But boro ma and jethu, mej di, shej di were always there to play with us and talk to us. The upcoming metro train in Kolkata resulting in his untimely retirement had gobbled Jethu’s shop up. I guess that’s the reason he was always around in the house. The family was meeting its expenses with the money they got as compensation from the government for the shop, waiting for the sons to finish their education and start earning. Despite all the hardships, which the family, must have went through, I don’t remember a single moment in their house, when I felt something was lacking. If we were around their house, during evening tea time, we were offered whatever everybody was having- mostly it was either muri (puffed rice grains) or roasted pea nuts …yummy I can still smell them.freshly roasted by boroma, or alur chop (fried potato stuffed hot snack- very typical Kolkata street food) from a nearby shop. This meant apart from their own family of four members, extended family of four more members, there were two of us my sister, that boro ma used to share her food with.

I understand all this today, never could guage anything back then. Just enjoyed the bounties they had to offer. Whenever I used to get some books from the school as prize for doing well, it was Jethu who appreciated those books and read them and re read them, making his own notes. 

Another day in a woman's life

September 27,2013

As I sit today, lazing comfortably in my drawing room on a cloudy day in Mumbai, suddenly my mind races back to the year 2000-01.  This was the year when finally my days as a student were over and I started taking baby steps in the real world.

I had passed out chartered accountancy final exam and had secured a job in a Government owned financial institution. The ICAI campus interview was taken by a panel of six senior heads from the organization and finally when I received the recruitment letter I was happy to join them.  Little did I know what was in store for me for the next few years!

This organization was set up to rehabilitate sick and dying industrial units in India. However, the FI itself was in the ICU in the year 2001 and the then Chairman in an effort to show that he wanted to do something for an otherwise dying institution had tried to infuse some life in the organization by infusing fresh blood through campus recruitments from premier financial and management institutes of India. That’s how we five youngsters had landed in an organization in which otherwise the average age was above 45.  The head office was in Kolkata, and for me it was easy to mingle with the peers and seniors in an organization where the primary language was Bengali.  This was my first taste of the financial corporate world. I spent roughly less than 3 years in this institution, where in I moved from Kolkata to Mumbai due to personal reasons and the organization easily accommodated my request for a transfer. On my personal life front I got promoted from being Ms. Agarwal, to Mrs. Jhunjhunwala and later a first time mom.  

Settling down in crazy Mumbai was may be a bit easier for me because of the lack of stress at work J.  However, the time spent in travelling in the local train from Kandivali to Nariman Point seemed such a waste when there was nothing much to be done after I reached office. Much of the day was spent more in talking with colleagues, playing on the computer and running personal errands. This lack of employment was true not just for me but till the highest levels. However, the learning which I got, was how to deal with the junior clerks who seem to have their own ways and choices of whether or not they would do a task assigned to them, learning my new lessons in office politics and in dealing with a variety of people. Apart from this, technically I learnt stuff just by happening to be around there, which helped me secure my next job with one of the leading banks in the country.

Some memories stay etched in our minds permanently. The interview process with the bank for me is one of them. The things that awed me about this organisation, was its building and the super cool interiors apart from the awe that you feel when you deal with something which you feel you are not good enough for! The little voice inside our head which sometimes makes you feel small L. The anticipation which I went through before my final meeting with the executive director is comparable only to the day when I delivered a speech on Gulf war (in hindi) scripted by myself, when I was in standard VIII in front of my whole school which was applauded and praised by all including the teachers the principal and the students. I was thrilled with the appreciation I received and can still hear the claps in my mind. That’s the day I conquered my fear of the stage and audience.

 I was super thrilled when I got the placement confirmation and it gave me a new found confidence in myself. Three years in a government organization, where I had done little, by way of actual work had taken its toll on me. But when we dig deeper into ourselves we can surprise ourselves with the results.  I remember the first day at the Bank wherein I got introduced to the persons and the senior I was to work with closely. 

It seemed everyday was a huge learning in this organization. The exposure which I got due to working in such a vibrating atmosphere is to be cherished. But at the same time, those were not easy days.  I came to understand some terms like workaholic boss, talent list, work pressure, performance appraisal, work comes first and then family. It was an intense tussle all the time within me trying to balance work and my little 5 month old baby. As a new and young mom, I wanted  to spend whatever time I had with my first born, but the demand of work and boss pulled me in the opposite direction. Weekends were supposed to be utilized for work, which I felt was not necessary. My biggest struggle on the personal front was when I was asked to go for a training for fifteen days outside the city, leaving my little one whom I was still feeding. I could not say no to my boss, when he proposed that I should go for this training called “ induction training” for new recruits. Somehow, for me feeding my baby in the evenings and the night meant a lot to me and in this respect, I have found my thought process different from a lot of my other friends for whom feeding was a big stress. For me it was fulfilling and joyful. However, the mom in me, could not stand against the career path I had myself chosen, and I went for the training program.  As a woman, I feel its easier for us to give in to our emotions by way of tears, and I still remember how miserable I was in the training classrooms, missing my baby all the time. The toilet breaks were utilized by me to let go of all the saline water which kept building up while sitting in the classroom. I don’t remember, much of what I learnt in that training, but I did manage to make some very good friendships across the bank. My baby was taken good care while I was away by my caring and loving family. He slept peacefully in the night without me, when I had spent sleepless nights in Chennai. When I returned after 15 days, I saw him happily walking up to me in his first few baby steps. He was 8 months old, and I had completed 3 months in the organization.  I had missed seeing his first step, missed hearing his first word and missed dressing him up in pretty girly clothes. All these joys of having a small baby were enjoyed by my mother in law and my sister in law. Having a great support system for a working woman helps her to feel comfortable at work, leaving the baby behind, however it does not dull the pain of missing out the precious moments of motherhood. If at times like this, the corporate world allows itself to be empathetic to their workers, I think it would be easier to retain talent over a longer period. As a society, we have changed dramatically in the last twenty years. Young girls study hard with the dream of enjoying a career, but the demands of marriage, motherhood and career is not easy to tackle.  Multi tasking is the norm and not an exception.  I still feel, in this area Corporate HR has to come a long way and understand that the motivational needs of every worker is different. If we have to tackle issues of attrition and retention, it would make a lot more sense, to bear for a few years and retain talent, depending on performance.  The work culture of long hours, just because everybody else is doing it, needs to be shunned.

When my first performance appraisal happened, my boss made it pretty clear that much more was expected of me than what I had managed so far, and that day was a big low. Constant demands of motherhood, and challenging worklife in a new work place left me feeling breathless most of the time.  But still I did not want to give in to my emotional self before trying my best at my work life and that’s what kept me going.  It probably would have been a lot easier to tackle motherhood alone, but having an easy life is not what we want.

This issue is something I feel most young women would face at a particular time of their life. Its an unavoidable cycle when you want to be part of an educated middle class where the woman is not happy just to be a wife or a mother and craves for more. The answers are not easy and each one has to do their own introspection and decide how best she can take care of her emotional self and her professional self. As for me, I am glad I got the opportunity to do whatever I did, and would may be do the same thing again if I life was to take a u turn! Every experience teaches us and enriches us. The choice of being career oriented or home bound is never going to be simple for us women.  But then who wants a simple life! If there are no questions one would never look for the answers. Our inner struggles and victories and losses are what we are J)