tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54441236263641239422024-03-13T08:17:03.810-07:00Life in Lagos Vs. life in Mumbai localAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00547942662287089644noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5444123626364123942.post-82573365097131962832014-10-13T23:14:00.000-07:002014-10-13T23:14:38.564-07:00Anger Management<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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June
14, 2014<o:p></o:p></div>
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Anger
management – easier said than done. Getting annoyed or irritated when one does
not get the attention, which the person feels he/she deserves and the situation
suddenly becomes uncomfortable. As long as one is watching life from a
distance, one can speak of tools of anger management and emotion management.
The real test happens when the same person goes through the moment where
patience wears thin and the ego starts taking over and anger raises its head.
The ability to diffuse any such situation with humour can be of paramount importance.
<o:p></o:p></div>
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Statistics
point out a huge percentage of children homicides occur in the hands of their
own parents across the world. The parent concerned is unable to explain- “what
came over him/her” and that they could not control themselves and murdered
their own. In the animal world it is not uncommon for the mother to eat its own
child but that is primarily for food. However, for homosapiens, satisfying ones
own hunger is never a reason to kill its own. But sadly, it can be for
satisfying ones ego<span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">L</span>.
The reasons can differ from case to case, however the point to be understood is
that anger management and emotion management is a much required tool for the
humans at all stages of their lives but it is not taught in any school or
university. So how and where does one learn to take charge of annoying,
difficult and upsetting situations/ people? It happens in some ways when we
start digging into spiritual literature and learn to accept rather than
control. But sadly, it can be too late before one realises that he/she needs
help to take charge or control of emotions. The other point is that in schools
also this can be taught by the teachers along with Maths, Science, English etc.
which are much needed for academic excellence. Soft skills have been given
their due importance in the corporate world for success but at the school level
also some induction should be mandatory for children and their parents.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Children
are possibly the easiest target of domestic violence and then in the Indian
context it happens to a large number of wives. The statistics may differ for
urban and rural India but there is no denying the fact that domestic violence
in India is a social problem and it does not differentiate between the educated
and the uneducated class. We function in a society with rules, however whenever
there are rules they get broken as well. Might makes everything right. With power should come responsibility but
instead it begets ego. Power makes humans vindictive. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Acceptance
and detachment can help in nurturing healthy and balanced relationships,
however expectations and inability to meet those expectations create issues
where there are sometimes none. We keep seeing life through the mirror that we
hold in our hands and therefore expect from people what we give to them. It
starts right from our own children and family and keeps extending into all our
walks of life. The give and take creates such a web, that we are never able to
give without thinking of the return. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00547942662287089644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5444123626364123942.post-11496289944607131442014-03-27T04:00:00.000-07:002014-03-27T04:00:35.229-07:00Another day in woman's life - Journey continues with P.inc<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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The
start is always difficult. Whether it is writing a letter, or a story, or
taking the first step in solving a relationship issue, or in dealing with your
first child. But once you take the first step, I feel the journey becomes much
easier. Yesterday I attended a seminar initiated by the Times of India
partnered with Cerebrand on a pan India basis for helping /supporting/
encouraging mid career professional women to regain entry into the work force. It’s
a start for which I as a professional woman, who has been on and off the ramp more
than once and who has personally gone through the heartache and the headache
involved in trying to juggle career, family and self development, heartily
congratulate the whole team for bringing together such eminent personalities
and corporates under one roof for airing out the various issues involved.<o:p></o:p></div>
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This
is the first step taken by Corporate India in a big way for tackling/
understanding the issue of talented professional women dropping out of the work
force at every level (Junior, mid and senior) due to various issues like
health, child bearing and rearing, taking care of elderly parents, or
relocating on account of spouse’s career etc. so that ultimately a very small
percentage of women actually make it to the Boardrooms and are able to prove
themselves to be as good or even better than the men around them. The
statistics are staggering. This step is in the right direction to sensitize the
ecosystem as a whole so that there can be more support for meritorious and
efficient women in urban India to make a come back to the workplace so that the
economy does not lose out on the contributions they can make.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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My
first question is – can we make the environment supportive enough so that the
women do not drop out in the first place. I am not talking only support from the
employer who has a big role to play no doubt, but also support from the family/
spouse/society- so that easier child care / nanny services etc are available.
The Indian man is still grappling with this new Indian woman who has worked
hard to get a degree, who wants to work but at the same time who wants to enjoy
the joys of motherhood and caring for her family. But once the child arrives,
sometimes he does not understand the changes that happen in the woman. I don’t
blame him, because most of the times the woman herself does not know what she
has gotten into when she becomes a mother. From a rational working woman, she
suddenly changes into an emotional nutcase. A valid point which was made by
Prasenjit Bhattacharya (CEO- Great Places to work) is child bearing is
biological and necessarily the woman has to do it, but child rearing need not
have to be only the mother’s responsibility. Both the partners have to come
together to work out ways of being there for bringing up a well balanced happy
and socially adjusted child. Here again, the first year of childbirth, I feel
is very crucial by way of an adequate support. The emotional tussle and the
physically exhausting challenge of feeding the child, taking care of your own
health and your child’s and at the same time wanting to enjoy going out and
working is not easy for any young mother. There is a lot of coping, which she
tries to do in the best way possible, because she does not know whom to talk
to. Here, I feel, counseling sessions are very important to let her know it
pays in the long run to just stay put. Prioritize and juggling on an everyday
basis is very important for this young working mother. The heart is torn in
both the directions- work and child and most of the times the child wins,
motherhood becomes more important than earning that additional income. So here
happens the first drop from corporate India.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
But
what is corporate India’s loss can be the society’s gain if the break or the
sabbatical helps in bringing up responsible children for tomorrow and in
containing health issues which women invariable suffer from trying to multi
task roles at home and at work, not knowing whom to ask for support from. The
health issues can be as small as ulcers and acidity problems in the beginning
to cholesterol, blood pressure etc in later parts of their lives. The stress of
trying to manage too much also results in a stressful environment at home for
the newborn, which can later lead to emotional issues in the young adult. I am
not saying it happens always, but somehow I feel the woman is more sensitive to
such psychological issues of her child and can be swamped with guilty thoughts
when she is at work. Here, I feel Ms. Chanda Kochar made a very valid point
when she mentioned, about the “French fries enjoyed by the child with her
grandparents while the mother is at work”. We as dutiful mothers may fuss all
the time that we want to give them the healthiest food, but may be at times we
have to allow for the fun that the child enjoys by eating junk food and having
a good time. So there is no point in letting the work get affected because you
are not there to decide what he has eaten and then go back home, pick up a
fight with the caregiver and stress out the child. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I
think the key is to learn to prioritize and make the extra effort to work
smarter and not just harder, know who your lifelines are whether at work
/home/friends and ask for help and just hang in there in the crucial years. But
nobody tell you that and then you make your choice of opting out of work. So
counseling at this stage by corporate India is of utmost importance. Know your
talent pool; treat them with a bit more caring hands so that it is a win win
for both of you in later years. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
On
the panel we had powerhouse women achievers like Ms. Chanda Kochar- MD and CEO
of ICICI Bank Limited and Dr. Swati Piramal- VC , Piramal Enterprises Ltd. who
need no introduction and who have also juggled work and those initial years of
motherhood, done the fine balancing act to reach where they are today. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are an inspiration to all the others who
feel they can pitch in a bit more than what they are doing today to achieve
more meaning out of their lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Economics no doubt plays a big role in determining whether a woman would
continue to work or not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once the second
income does not look as important to the family kitty, that’s the time when
couples take the decision that its ok for one person to drop out of the rat
race and for the other to continue as the earning member in the house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And in most cases, it is the woman who has
the luxury of dropping out and decides to take care of home issues rather than
continue to run for the professional dreams she had once set out for
herself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the reasons for her
taking the lead at the home front could be because she is naturally better at
it than the man, second her career had taken a backseat for women centric
issues like child bearing etc. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
This
time can be valuably utilized by such women to introspect on what exactly she
herself is looking for. A career to reach the top or a job where in she can
juggle both home and work and do justice to both the way she wants. Ms. Lalita
Iyer rightly pointed out this issue – “more clarity is required as to what we want
to chase in life- money or good work.“ The choice is ours to make and then we
have to go about finding suitable opportunities for having access to a
sensitized employer. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
In
this area, I feel P.inc can play a big role in building up a platform wherein
efficient women who want to do the juggling act can have access to the
employers who are more than willing to bring them back on ramp, not because
they want gender diversity at the work place, but because they know that the
woman coming back will make the rightful contribution to the company and will
be an asset to them. The fitment has to be right for it to be a win-win
situation. The woman has to be clear what she wants and the employer should see
her as capable enough of delivering. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Once
again I thank the whole team from Times of India for making this beginning<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and for giving access to us to talk to such
eminent woman achievers, “ The journey has just begun and my hope is that it
would be a meaningful walk for women who can successfully come back on ramp due
to this initiative and even if they are not able to make this transition the
journey itself would be rewarding enough to raise questions in their minds to
which they have to find their own answers.<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00547942662287089644noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5444123626364123942.post-210628196973372982013-11-28T22:36:00.003-08:002013-11-28T22:36:34.963-08:00Addictions<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Reality
Check, in India, the easiest possible drug available which gives a false high to the population here is tobacco. Tobacco addiction is so widespread,
that you find a fifteen year old domestic servant chewing it, your driver
chewing it, a 30 year old autorickshaw driver chewing it, a lady running a
boutique chewing, fifty something mothers n grand mothers chewing it. There
seems to be no end to this ubiquitously omnipresent drug. The person running a
business chewing it and even professionals supposedly educated mass chewing it.
When a person injects a drug to get a high, it’s a crime, however when a person
chews tobacco all the time to continue in his false world of happiness there is
no crime. The family is supposed to understand and accept that nicotine
addiction is something the person cannot help himself with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are many addictions which people take
up to get away from the real life, excessive TV watching, drinking, too much
partying, loud music, face-booking, sun-worshipping, but nothing like tobacco,
which you can do in the company of your children, your subordinates, your
peers, your juniors, your parents, in short the whole world. Advertisements and
statutory warnings are paid little heed. Or may be the addict just fails to see
them. Every addict thinks that the possibility of getting the fatal disease
Cancer due to tobacco addiction is something which cannot happen to him/her. Is
it not enough to be able to call up your family or friends to de stress? Why
potentially fatal addictions become stress busters and loving families are
ignored in their favour? The human mind becomes a servant to the chemical
reaction which gets triggered due to the nictotine content. The same mind which
is supposed to be the biggest computer in the world and helps us see right from
wrong. But to the addict, there is nothing wrong in his behavior. He/ She fails
to see the impact the addiction is having not just in physical terms, which
itself should be an adequate reason to quit it but in terms of emotional stakes
involved. A drug addict needs immediate help and rehabilitation since, the
effects can be seen on an immediate basis, however, a nicotine addict can
continue with his irresponsible behavior for years till the time its too late
for anybody to be able to help him/her. This substance is supposedly banned in
Maharashtra, which again is a complete mockery of the legal system. It is as
easily available as candy in shops. We have already lost a big percentage of
population to this addiction and everyday the number keeps swelling but there
is no urgency in the society to deal with the menace. Taking charge of your own
and your family’s health and happiness should itself be a motivating factor in taking
help in quitting any kind of harmful addictions.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00547942662287089644noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5444123626364123942.post-5022284993915849962013-11-19T20:46:00.001-08:002013-11-19T20:46:37.919-08:00Dubai 2012<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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January 6, 2012<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Another year has started. People have predicted this year to
be the end of the world…For me it’s a new beginning again…Tomorrow being the
start of my 36<sup>th</sup> year<span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span>)…..learning
to be a wife, home maker, mother….everyday is like a new day in a classroom called LIFE.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Dubai Vacation- Mariott Hotel- Dubai Marina<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Amazing view from the balcony of
my hotel, - speedboats zooming on the oceans, human beings para gliding,
helicopters and airplanes taking off and landing, cars and motor bikes zipping
off at an amazing speed, and despite all modes of transportation all around me,
hardly any hint of any kind of pollution around…Oh I forgot, there is even construction of a huge sky scraper happening right next to my Hotel building,
but still the ocean looks blue and pure, untouched by all that is happening around it and so is the Sky
overhead. Everything in this country looks brand new, nothing looks worn out or
old, the veggies look fresh in the super market and there is an abundance of
stuff, like its God’s own market, veggies, fruits, dry fruits, clothes, brands,
gadgets, playthings, perfumes, stationery…Dubai simply has the best it seems!</div>
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<br /></div>
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In the past 3 days in this country I have not seen a single thing which looks even slightly
ugly or which needs any kind of replacement. The huge malls are full of people and
goodies, the women and the children are most fashionable dressed, shades, bags
, jewellery, make up everything just perfect. And the Arab women are the most
beautiful women in the world it seems, their sharp features and beautiful complexion can take your breath away, you
can see only the face…the rest is all covered in their traditional dress called
Abayas..black full drape, but there is a great deal of fashion statement made
by the kind of abaya one is wearing.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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But still something rankles
me, despite so much material bounty around, could I feel <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>happiness around me? I don’t know the answer
to that question….saw most of the parents hassled in the mall with their
bundles of joy, observed beautiful and fashionably dressed women wiping away their
tears softly, could make out people exchanging bitterness over phone. But wait, I also
saw very very happy families…one such smiley happy family was at the Ski
Resort..just cannot forget the smiles on the face of the Dad, mom and their two
kids…enjoying the fun afternoon together!!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Imagine Snowskiing in the
desert, must admit these Sheikhs are an enterprising lot!! What amazing wonders
humans can create just out of initiative. Its like they have the
power of GOD<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to create snow even in the
desert. I was shivering after just one hour within the ski resort and me and
Kshitij had to beat a hasty retreat after our one hour of good fun!! Poor<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ritz, he was left baby sitting Siyona, coz
they were both nursing a bad cold <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">L</span></span></div>
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Saw
another very happy father and his toddler son playing in the fountain water at the
Dubai Marina at about 10 in the night, splashing water on each other and jumping
over and inside the puddles of water. It was jus sooo beautiful seeing them
have fun<span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span>)<o:p></o:p></div>
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How I managed to get time to pen
down my thoughts in this hectic vacation of ours is itself a blessing. Kshitij
and Ritesh have gone mall hopping to buy the much desired XBOX and IPAD etc;
and Siyona is sleeping peacefully in her bedroom, and so I get to enjoy my own
moments of solitude and peaceful writing, while soaking in this amazing view
from the balcony of the hotel suite<span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span>)<o:p></o:p></div>
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The high point for me in this
trip was the one<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>hour me and Ritz were
able to catch up with each other while sipping a cup of Turkish
coffee and sharing a cherry flavoured Sheesha. The evening was just awesome!!
Too beautiful to describe<span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span>)
We put both the kids to sleep in the suite and went down at about 10 in the
night and enjoyed a nice evening together. Dubai Marina has been one of the most
beautiful places I have visited till date. So next time you go on a holiday, sit back and laze around the Marina, pick up some souvenirs from the Market, or simply soak in the atmosphere till your next holiday :)<o:p></o:p></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00547942662287089644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5444123626364123942.post-14760859007337461342013-10-07T00:43:00.001-07:002013-10-07T00:43:06.886-07:00Growing up in Kolkata<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I
thought it would be easy to write about my growing up years in Kolkata, but
seems not. For a long time, now I don’t remember how long, after I got married
and moved to Mumbai I kept defending Kolkata in any discussion vis a vis
Mumbai. Mumbaites, have no patience for a city like Kolkata. They think it’s a dirty
city, Kolkata people are lazy, nobody is bothered about any progress there, the
traffic is crazy and the only thing the calcuttans are good at is endless
talking/gossiping (adda in Bengali) and drinking tea. Now it has been more than
twelve years since I moved out of Kolkata, so my love for my home city is not
as clouded as it was back then. It is easier for me to accept the facts that
yes, there are problems, but still nothing takes away the charm of Kolkata,
despite all its flaws. The language itself is a charmer. Robindro Songeet
playing at traffic signal makes you sing even when you are having a bad day.
When a shopkeeper who is much older than you addresses you – “ Ma aar kichu
chayi” ( meaning- mother do u want anything more) , it makes you feel so very loved.
When we were growing up in Kolkata thirty years back, the city had a different
charm. How in one word a Bengali can address you as a Mother and a daughter at
the same time is still a mystery to me. During Durga Puja, the city
reverberates with the sound of dhak (loud drums) and Anjali (ritual of
worshipping Goddess Durga with Sanskrit chantings) in the morning. Everybody dresses up in their
new clothes and only one question is asked by every child and teenager- Pujoye
koto jama holo- meaning how many dresses did you get for this festival. The
mashis, pishis, ma, baba, dida, jethu, kaku, even khurtoto mashis, shower their
young nieces and nephews with dresses. A Bengali looks forward to Durga Puja
the whole year and rightfully so. The six days in the city from (Panchami to
doshomi), are only for fun and festivities. The whole city comes to a
standstill till doshomi, which is usually the visarjan (immersion of the huge
Durga idols) day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I
grew up in a very typical Bengali middle class para (locality), in south Calcutta,
where ours was the only Marwari family. My younger sister learnt to talk in
Bengali first; she picked up Hindi, our own mother tongue, only after she
started school. We lived in a two storied building in which the ground floor
was occupied by a Bengali family and the first and second floors were occupied
by us. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">We
used to call the lady of the house “ Boro Ma” means the eldest mother and her
husband as “Jethu”, means the elder brother of my father. I don’t know how
these relationships started and formed but I fondly remember boro ma. She had
the white European skin, very smooth, absolutely blemish free, and the softest
and the gentlest possible touch and voice. Their household comprised of
herself, Jethu, their two sons (Bor da and Chor da), her two-widowed sister in
laws and two young girls. We used to address her sis in laws as Mej di means
the middle one and Shej di means the one before the youngest. The two young girls
– Dalia and Shoheli – were the daughters of Jethu’s elder brother who lived in
the ancestral village, and the girls had come to Kolkata to study and make something
out of their life. These girls were older to my sis, and me but still we became
friends. We spent many afternoons in boroma’s house playing carom, Chinese
checkers, reading or just generally sitting with them and then playing
badminton outdoors with the girls. My mom somehow was always busy in the
kitchen and Dad was never around during playtimes. But boro ma and jethu, mej
di, shej di were always there to play with us and talk to us. The upcoming
metro train in Kolkata resulting in his untimely retirement had gobbled Jethu’s
shop up. I guess that’s the reason he was always around in the house. The
family was meeting its expenses with the money they got as compensation from
the government for the shop, waiting for the sons to finish their education and
start earning. Despite all the hardships, which the family, must have went
through, I don’t remember a single moment in their house, when I felt something
was lacking. If we were around their house, during evening tea time, we were
offered whatever everybody was having- mostly it was either muri (puffed rice
grains) or roasted pea nuts …yummy I can still smell them.freshly roasted by
boroma, or alur chop (fried potato stuffed hot snack- very typical Kolkata
street food) from a nearby shop. This meant apart from their own family of four
members, extended family of four more members, there were two of us my sister,
that boro ma used to share her food with.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I<b> u</b>nderstand all this today, never could
guage anything back then. Just enjoyed the bounties they had to offer. Whenever
I used to get some books from the school as prize for doing well, it was Jethu
who appreciated those books and read them and re read them, making his own
notes. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00547942662287089644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5444123626364123942.post-35491054094652473742013-10-01T00:05:00.000-07:002013-10-01T00:05:07.860-07:00Another day in a woman's life<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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September 27,2013<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
As I
sit today, lazing comfortably in my drawing room on a cloudy day in Mumbai,
suddenly my mind races back to the year 2000-01. This was the year when finally my days as a
student were over and I started taking baby steps in the real world.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I
had passed out chartered accountancy final exam and had secured a job in a
Government owned financial institution. The ICAI campus interview was taken by
a panel of six senior heads from the organization and finally when I received
the recruitment letter I was happy to join them. Little did I know what was in store for me for
the next few years! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
This
organization was set up to rehabilitate sick and dying industrial units in
India. However, the FI itself was in the ICU in the year 2001 and the then
Chairman in an effort to show that he wanted to do something for an otherwise
dying institution had tried to infuse some life in the organization by infusing
fresh blood through campus recruitments from premier financial and management institutes
of India. That’s how we five youngsters had landed in an organization in which
otherwise the average age was above 45.
The head office was in Kolkata, and for me it was easy to mingle with
the peers and seniors in an organization where the primary language was
Bengali. This was my first taste of the
financial corporate world. I spent roughly less than 3 years in this
institution, where in I moved from Kolkata to Mumbai due to personal reasons
and the organization easily accommodated my request for a transfer. On my
personal life front I got promoted from being Ms. Agarwal, to Mrs. Jhunjhunwala
and later a first time mom. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Settling
down in crazy Mumbai was may be a bit easier for me because of the lack of
stress at work <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span>. However, the time spent in travelling in the
local train from Kandivali to Nariman Point seemed such a waste when there was
nothing much to be done after I reached office. Much of the day was spent more
in talking with colleagues, playing on the computer and running personal
errands. This lack of employment was true not just for me but till the highest
levels. However, the learning which I got, was how to deal with the junior
clerks who seem to have their own ways and choices of whether or not they would
do a task assigned to them, learning my new lessons in office politics and in dealing
with a variety of people. Apart from this, technically I learnt stuff just by
happening to be around there, which helped me secure my next job with one of
the leading banks in the country. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Some
memories stay etched in our minds permanently. The interview process with the
bank for me is one of them. The things that awed me about this organisation,
was its building and the super cool interiors apart from the awe that you feel
when you deal with something which you feel you are not good enough for! The
little voice inside our head which sometimes makes you feel small <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">L</span>. The anticipation
which I went through before my final meeting with the executive director is
comparable only to the day when I delivered a speech on Gulf war (in hindi)
scripted by myself, when I was in standard VIII in front of my whole school
which was applauded and praised by all including the teachers the principal and
the students. I was thrilled with the appreciation I received and can still
hear the claps in my mind. That’s the day I conquered my fear of the stage and
audience.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I was super thrilled when I got the placement
confirmation and it gave me a new found confidence in myself. Three years in a
government organization, where I had done little, by way of actual work had
taken its toll on me. But when we dig deeper into ourselves we can surprise
ourselves with the results. I remember
the first day at the Bank wherein I got introduced to the persons and the senior
I was to work with closely. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
It
seemed everyday was a huge learning in this organization. The exposure which I
got due to working in such a vibrating atmosphere is to be cherished. But at
the same time, those were not easy days.
I came to understand some terms like workaholic boss, talent list, work
pressure, performance appraisal, work comes first and then family. It was an
intense tussle all the time within me trying to balance work and my little 5
month old baby. As a new and young mom, I wanted to spend whatever time I had with my first
born, but the demand of work and boss pulled me in the opposite direction. Weekends
were supposed to be utilized for work, which I felt was not necessary. My
biggest struggle on the personal front was when I was asked to go for a
training for fifteen days outside the city, leaving my little one whom I was
still feeding. I could not say no to my boss, when he proposed that I should go
for this training called “ induction training” for new recruits. Somehow, for
me feeding my baby in the evenings and the night meant a lot to me and in this
respect, I have found my thought process different from a lot of my other
friends for whom feeding was a big stress. For me it was fulfilling and joyful.
However, the mom in me, could not stand against the career path I had myself
chosen, and I went for the training program.
As a woman, I feel its easier for us to give in to our emotions by way
of tears, and I still remember how miserable I was in the training classrooms,
missing my baby all the time. The toilet breaks were utilized by me to let go
of all the saline water which kept building up while sitting in the classroom.
I don’t remember, much of what I learnt in that training, but I did manage to
make some very good friendships across the bank. My baby was taken good care
while I was away by my caring and loving family. He slept peacefully in the
night without me, when I had spent sleepless nights in Chennai. When I returned
after 15 days, I saw him happily walking up to me in his first few baby steps.
He was 8 months old, and I had completed 3 months in the organization. I had missed seeing his first step, missed
hearing his first word and missed dressing him up in pretty girly clothes. All
these joys of having a small baby were enjoyed by my mother in law and my
sister in law. Having a great support system for a working woman helps her to
feel comfortable at work, leaving the baby behind, however it does not dull the
pain of missing out the precious moments of motherhood. If at times like this,
the corporate world allows itself to be empathetic to their workers, I think it
would be easier to retain talent over a longer period. As a society, we have
changed dramatically in the last twenty years. Young girls study hard with the
dream of enjoying a career, but the demands of marriage, motherhood and career
is not easy to tackle. Multi tasking is
the norm and not an exception. I still
feel, in this area Corporate HR has to come a long way and understand that the
motivational needs of every worker is different. If we have to tackle issues of
attrition and retention, it would make a lot more sense, to bear for a few
years and retain talent, depending on performance. The work culture of long hours, just because
everybody else is doing it, needs to be shunned.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
When
my first performance appraisal happened, my boss made it pretty clear that much
more was expected of me than what I had managed so far, and that day was a big
low. Constant demands of motherhood, and challenging worklife in a new work
place left me feeling breathless most of the time. But still I did not want to give in to my
emotional self before trying my best at my work life and that’s what kept me
going. It probably would have been a lot
easier to tackle motherhood alone, but having an easy life is not what we want.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
This
issue is something I feel most young women would face at a particular time of
their life. Its an unavoidable cycle when you want to be part of an educated
middle class where the woman is not happy just to be a wife or a mother and
craves for more. The answers are not easy and each one has to do their own
introspection and decide how best she can take care of her emotional self and
her professional self. As for me, I am glad I got the opportunity to do
whatever I did, and would may be do the same thing again if I life was to take
a u turn! Every experience teaches us and enriches us. The choice of being
career oriented or home bound is never going to be simple for us women. But then who wants a simple life! If there are
no questions one would never look for the answers. Our inner struggles and
victories and losses are what we are <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span>)<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00547942662287089644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5444123626364123942.post-29958823082885131482013-09-19T00:32:00.002-07:002013-09-19T00:32:43.316-07:00Moving Back<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
July 9, 2013<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
A happy day! Siyona also gets
admitted to GEA. Kshitij has already settled back in happily with his old
friends and school. It has been less
than a month since we landed in Mumbai, but now I feel as though I never went
away. Everything is just the way it was, it is only me who has changed in a lot
of ways in the last two years. Now, I
understand the true meaning of home
coming. The familiarity and the routine is what makes and keeps me happy. I
don’t have to make an effort to feel calm and peaceful. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I AM calm, happy and at peace. Simple.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Its rainy season in Mumbai and
the roads are always packed, the potholes seem larger and more murkier and the
house is may be 1/5<sup>th</sup> the size of my Lagos apartment, right now is
bursting with people and things. But that does not in any way reduces my
happiness. Our happiness is never
derived from the house we live in or the car we drive in, it is always
dependent on the work we do and the people we meet. Take away the freedom of
the pauper and give him a mansion to live, I wonder whether he would be happy! Freedom
to move, think, act is what life means to me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Mind plays pranks on us, when
that freedom is taken away and only the strongest of humans can live happily in
an environment of imprisonment. Community and social life are important factors
which can play a big role in the happiness of a family. The children are the
easiest to adapt to changing environments, since their happiness is derived
from the security of their parents. For the Man it is easy to adapt to a
location like Lagos, since the mind space is not so huge, but for the woman,
Lagos is truly a challenging location. I would classify myself a survivor in
Lagos. It was a huge learning experience and if I have to ever do a location
like this again, I know a bit better now and will be easier. <o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00547942662287089644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5444123626364123942.post-58648668754670372792012-11-27T07:29:00.004-08:002012-11-27T07:29:40.361-08:00Scottish Ball 2012, Lagos<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">November 24, 2012</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Lagos Caledonian Society sponsored Scottish Ball, Muson Centre</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The men in their Kilts and the women in their evening gowns.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Toasts raised. Honour to the Queen. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Start of another beautiful evening in Lagos. Highland music being piped live..Scottish whiskey years old enjoyed. Finally I can appreciate the fact that a man does look handsome in a skirt. When I read this years back in Mills & Boon, had failed to understand, looked up the word kilt in the dictionary, understood it was a form of skirt, but still failed to imagine how any tall dark handsome man can actually wear it and even if he wears it, how can he possibly look handsome!! Now I know better ;)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The music is infectious and so are the dance steps- a lot like our indian dances- dandiya/ garba types- groups formed, steps directed by a person on the stage. Sounds easy, but when they actually start doing it, there are goof ups! People bump into each other and there are ouches and oohs!! But nobody seems to mind..everybody is having a good time…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">An elderly scot couple, the lady with blonde short hair is wearing a long black backless gown, and is led by her partner beautifully through all the dances, a young chubby couple- the girl is wearing a short knee length flowing frock, reminds me of a baby doll and instead of sporting a high heel like all the others has opted for a pair of keds …the way she dances …hops and skips and jumps her way through all the steps, the couple look so much in love…its beautiful to watch…a tall lady in a pink knee length dress with a chiganon at the top makes the effort to learn the steps from an older scot male and does it just the right way, another in black with short hair and a toothy smile, does not get it right the first time, but never the less keeps trying…another south east asian girl wearing a flowy long gown, dances while holding her gown the whole time and also keeps laughing through out, whether she does it the right way or the wrong……</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As for me, I kept sitting at the table, wearing a black sari nursing my one glass of champagne the whole evening and watching this movie full of so many characters, soaking in the vibrating atmosphere, catching up with my friends. The best moment was when I said I would like something vegetarian, and my fellow table guests including me thought, now I would be served some boiled and stir fried veggies. But surprise! For once I was not meted out just some veggies, instead it was a veg lasagna , very well prepared with mushrooms, zucchini, tomato aubergine and lots of cheese. For once, my husband also thought it would have been better to have opted for veg;)</span></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00547942662287089644noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5444123626364123942.post-74302491246584907612012-11-07T23:50:00.000-08:002012-11-07T23:50:16.399-08:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Life in Lagos vs Mumbai:-<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>the title should be actually life In Mumbai local </span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The good things first, in Lagos
loads of time in your hands to do whatever you want, the bad part most of the
time you don’t know what to do. So I end up chatting on bbm, making calls to India,
facebooking, plus some reading, music, movies. I have tried new things like
bridge which I enjoy, but I am not taking it to the next level, jogging which I
loved, but am lazy and not stretching myself, learning kickboxing- suffering the
same fate as jogging, cooking- well I do enjoy cooking now, but still don’t get
excited about making new dishes etc. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
the never ending partying life of Lagos, there is just no end to lunches and
dinner ;))</span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The most cherished part of my
long vacation in lagos is my morning tea with Ritesh, which I could never ever
imagine in Mumbai, half hour of tea and conversation with a beautiful backdrop;
and the evening sunset view from my balcony, my very own beautiful peaceful moments.
Just now saw an awesome view of ten fishing boats in the ocean, what symmetry,
could not even have imagined this kind of idyllic world exists back in Mumbai!
The awesome Lagos community- Lebanese, Dutch, British, Americans, French,
Indians, Scandinavians, Indonesians, Singaporeans, and my friend list is such an
awesome mix of citizens across the world now. And all such wonderful people!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In Mumbai, even for breathing air
you have to fight it out. Flashback life 11 years back, the fight to get in the
direct local train from Kandivali to Churchgate in Mumbai right in the morning
was something I could never win, so always ended up taking the return train
from Kandivali to Church gate. Now, for people who have never travelled in a
Mumbai local, understanding the jargon “return train” may not be easy.
Its,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>basically, going first in the
opposite direction from Kandivali to Borivali; and then the same train becomes
a train from Borivali to Church gate. This means you have to add at least half
hour more to your journey but in return, you are able to get the best window
seat and you travel comfortably to Church gate without fighting it out. My
commute time from my home to my office used to be two hours. People inside
these trains are literally packed like sardines. The art of reading a newspaper
in the train, the way its folded, so that you can read without the paper
touching the co passenger whether sitting or standing next to you, the rush for
taking the seat, right from the window seat with the best possibility of fresh
air, to the fourth seat- which is more like you are barely able to land your
bum on the seat, is intense. I have watched many a people fighting fiercely for
the claimed seat. But life in a Mumbai local is not just about fighting for the
fourth seat, there is a lot more to it, there are several groups of people who
take the same train every day , so the kind of friendships that get forged on
these trains is delightful. The women just run into the train, rather rush into
the train, and after finding a seat, take the deepest breath possible, and
probably for the first time in the morning, relax their tired muscles and settle
themselves for the next one hour or so. For most of these working women, the
morning starts with cooking breakfast, making lunch boxes for self, husband and
kid and then doing the mad rush to get to the station so that they can take
their very own train with their own friends. This morning fight ends only after
they land themselves on their coveted seat. A lot of these women never have the
time to eat their breakfast at home so they carry their small breakfast box as
well. Once you become a proud winner of a seat, people who are standing, start
asking where you would be getting off, Andheri, Bandra, Dadar, Mumbai Central
and the seats again get auctioned or claimed by the passengers standing. When I
used to do the train travel back then, I used to think, oh my God!! How am I
going to manage this, my whole life? After the settling and claiming of seats comes
the time to take a morning nap, with necks lolling and dropping almost 90% of
the seated passengers go off to sleep till the time comes to either get down,
or to give their seat to a passenger who is standing for long. The generosity
or the custom of giving your seat to the person standing for long whether at Dadar
or Mumbai Central, is something unique. By the way, it’s not just the people
sitting who manage to catch the shut eye. Even people who have not been lucky
enough to get the seat, doze off. Once it happened to me. I was standing near
the door, with crisp fresh breeze blowing against my face, did not know when I
dozed off and realized only when I was rudely pulled in by a fellow passenger.
It seems when I dozed off, my knee caved in and I was about to lose my balance.
Don’t know what would have happened if I was not pulled back by the lady, but
after that day I never stood near the door in the morning for enjoying the
fresh air against my face.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As the train
nears churchgate, it slowly gets emptied out, people have been getting off at
stations and the train at churchgate has only about 50 percent of people left
than what it originally started with. In the last leg of the journey, you would
see women taking out their compacts and doing their hair, lipstick and even
putting on perfumes etc. Oh yes, the Mumbai woman is very prepared for
everything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The whole morning tiredness
is gone and they are fresh and relaxed and ready to start the office day. In
the last one hour they have eaten, napped, joked, listened to songs, shared
their joys and sorrows with their best friends, read the morning newspaper, and
sometimes even shopped clothes, books accessories etc etc. and now after they
put on their war paint, they just hop off the train and start running again to
catch the earliest bus, or the shared cab to go to their office building!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Mumbai Local train experience
is one of a kind…</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The return journey back is quite
different from the morning journey and to do justice to that I would have to
write a new blog !</span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
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