Addictions

Reality Check, in India, the easiest possible drug available which gives a false high to the population here is tobacco. Tobacco addiction is so widespread, that you find a fifteen year old domestic servant chewing it, your driver chewing it, a 30 year old autorickshaw driver chewing it, a lady running a boutique chewing, fifty something mothers n grand mothers chewing it. There seems to be no end to this ubiquitously omnipresent drug. The person running a business chewing it and even professionals supposedly educated mass chewing it. When a person injects a drug to get a high, it’s a crime, however when a person chews tobacco all the time to continue in his false world of happiness there is no crime. The family is supposed to understand and accept that nicotine addiction is something the person cannot help himself with.  There are many addictions which people take up to get away from the real life, excessive TV watching, drinking, too much partying, loud music, face-booking, sun-worshipping, but nothing like tobacco, which you can do in the company of your children, your subordinates, your peers, your juniors, your parents, in short the whole world. Advertisements and statutory warnings are paid little heed. Or may be the addict just fails to see them. Every addict thinks that the possibility of getting the fatal disease Cancer due to tobacco addiction is something which cannot happen to him/her. Is it not enough to be able to call up your family or friends to de stress? Why potentially fatal addictions become stress busters and loving families are ignored in their favour? The human mind becomes a servant to the chemical reaction which gets triggered due to the nictotine content. The same mind which is supposed to be the biggest computer in the world and helps us see right from wrong. But to the addict, there is nothing wrong in his behavior. He/ She fails to see the impact the addiction is having not just in physical terms, which itself should be an adequate reason to quit it but in terms of emotional stakes involved. A drug addict needs immediate help and rehabilitation since, the effects can be seen on an immediate basis, however, a nicotine addict can continue with his irresponsible behavior for years till the time its too late for anybody to be able to help him/her. This substance is supposedly banned in Maharashtra, which again is a complete mockery of the legal system. It is as easily available as candy in shops. We have already lost a big percentage of population to this addiction and everyday the number keeps swelling but there is no urgency in the society to deal with the menace. Taking charge of your own and your family’s health and happiness should itself be a motivating factor in taking help in quitting any kind of harmful addictions.

Dubai 2012

January 6, 2012

Another year has started. People have predicted this year to be the end of the world…For me it’s a new beginning again…Tomorrow being the start of my 36^th yearJ)…..learning to be a wife, home maker, mother….everyday is like a new day in a classroom called LIFE.

Dubai Vacation- Mariott Hotel- Dubai Marina

Amazing view from the balcony of my hotel, - speedboats zooming on the oceans, human beings para gliding, helicopters and airplanes taking off and landing, cars and motor bikes zipping off at an amazing speed, and despite all modes of transportation all around me, hardly any hint of any kind of pollution around…Oh I forgot, there is even construction of a huge sky scraper happening right next to my Hotel building, but still the ocean looks blue and pure, untouched by all that is happening around it and so is the Sky overhead. Everything in this country looks brand new, nothing looks worn out or old, the veggies look fresh in the super market and there is an abundance of stuff, like its God’s own market, veggies, fruits, dry fruits, clothes, brands, gadgets, playthings, perfumes, stationery…Dubai simply has the best it seems!

In the past 3 days in this country I have not seen a single thing which looks even slightly ugly or which needs any kind of replacement. The huge malls are full of people and goodies, the women and the children are most fashionable dressed, shades, bags , jewellery, make up everything just perfect. And the Arab women are the most beautiful women in the world it seems, their sharp features and beautiful complexion can take your breath away, you can see only the face…the rest is all covered in their traditional dress called Abayas..black full drape, but there is a great deal of fashion statement made by the kind of abaya one is wearing.

But still something rankles me, despite so much material bounty around, could I feel   happiness around me? I don’t know the answer to that question….saw most of the parents hassled in the mall with their bundles of joy, observed beautiful and fashionably dressed women wiping away their tears softly, could make out people exchanging bitterness over phone. But wait, I also saw very very happy families…one such smiley happy family was at the Ski Resort..just cannot forget the smiles on the face of the Dad, mom and their two kids…enjoying the fun afternoon together!!

Imagine Snowskiing in the desert, must admit these Sheikhs are an enterprising lot!! What amazing wonders humans can create just out of initiative. Its like they have the power of GOD  to create snow even in the desert. I was shivering after just one hour within the ski resort and me and Kshitij had to beat a hasty retreat after our one hour of good fun!! Poor  Ritz, he was left baby sitting Siyona, coz they were both nursing a bad cold L

Saw another very happy father and his toddler son playing in the fountain water at the Dubai Marina at about 10 in the night, splashing water on each other and jumping over and inside the puddles of water. It was jus sooo beautiful seeing them have funJ)

How I managed to get time to pen down my thoughts in this hectic vacation of ours is itself a blessing. Kshitij and Ritesh have gone mall hopping to buy the much desired XBOX and IPAD etc; and Siyona is sleeping peacefully in her bedroom, and so I get to enjoy my own moments of solitude and peaceful writing, while soaking in this amazing view from the balcony of the hotel suiteJ)

The high point for me in this trip was the one  hour me and Ritz were able to catch up with each other while sipping a cup of Turkish coffee and sharing a cherry flavoured Sheesha. The evening was just awesome!! Too beautiful to describeJ) We put both the kids to sleep in the suite and went down at about 10 in the night and enjoyed a nice evening together. Dubai Marina has been one of the most beautiful places I have visited till date. So next time you go on a holiday, sit back and laze around the Marina, pick up some souvenirs from the Market, or simply soak in the atmosphere till your next holiday :)

Growing up in Kolkata

I thought it would be easy to write about my growing up years in Kolkata, but seems not. For a long time, now I don’t remember how long, after I got married and moved to Mumbai I kept defending Kolkata in any discussion vis a vis Mumbai. Mumbaites, have no patience for a city like Kolkata. They think it’s a dirty city, Kolkata people are lazy, nobody is bothered about any progress there, the traffic is crazy and the only thing the calcuttans are good at is endless talking/gossiping (adda in Bengali) and drinking tea. Now it has been more than twelve years since I moved out of Kolkata, so my love for my home city is not as clouded as it was back then. It is easier for me to accept the facts that yes, there are problems, but still nothing takes away the charm of Kolkata, despite all its flaws. The language itself is a charmer. Robindro Songeet playing at traffic signal makes you sing even when you are having a bad day. When a shopkeeper who is much older than you addresses you – “ Ma aar kichu chayi” ( meaning- mother do u want anything more) , it makes you feel so very loved. When we were growing up in Kolkata thirty years back, the city had a different charm. How in one word a Bengali can address you as a Mother and a daughter at the same time is still a mystery to me. During Durga Puja, the city reverberates with the sound of dhak (loud drums) and Anjali (ritual of worshipping Goddess Durga with Sanskrit chantings)  in the morning. Everybody dresses up in their new clothes and only one question is asked by every child and teenager- Pujoye koto jama holo- meaning how many dresses did you get for this festival. The mashis, pishis, ma, baba, dida, jethu, kaku, even khurtoto mashis, shower their young nieces and nephews with dresses. A Bengali looks forward to Durga Puja the whole year and rightfully so. The six days in the city from (Panchami to doshomi), are only for fun and festivities. The whole city comes to a standstill till doshomi, which is usually the visarjan (immersion of the huge Durga idols) day.

I grew up in a very typical Bengali middle class para (locality), in south Calcutta, where ours was the only Marwari family. My younger sister learnt to talk in Bengali first; she picked up Hindi, our own mother tongue, only after she started school. We lived in a two storied building in which the ground floor was occupied by a Bengali family and the first and second floors were occupied by us.

We used to call the lady of the house “ Boro Ma” means the eldest mother and her husband as “Jethu”, means the elder brother of my father. I don’t know how these relationships started and formed but I fondly remember boro ma. She had the white European skin, very smooth, absolutely blemish free, and the softest and the gentlest possible touch and voice. Their household comprised of herself, Jethu, their two sons (Bor da and Chor da), her two-widowed sister in laws and two young girls. We used to address her sis in laws as Mej di means the middle one and Shej di means the one before the youngest. The two young girls – Dalia and Shoheli – were the daughters of Jethu’s elder brother who lived in the ancestral village, and the girls had come to Kolkata to study and make something out of their life. These girls were older to my sis, and me but still we became friends. We spent many afternoons in boroma’s house playing carom, Chinese checkers, reading or just generally sitting with them and then playing badminton outdoors with the girls. My mom somehow was always busy in the kitchen and Dad was never around during playtimes. But boro ma and jethu, mej di, shej di were always there to play with us and talk to us. The upcoming metro train in Kolkata resulting in his untimely retirement had gobbled Jethu’s shop up. I guess that’s the reason he was always around in the house. The family was meeting its expenses with the money they got as compensation from the government for the shop, waiting for the sons to finish their education and start earning. Despite all the hardships, which the family, must have went through, I don’t remember a single moment in their house, when I felt something was lacking. If we were around their house, during evening tea time, we were offered whatever everybody was having- mostly it was either muri (puffed rice grains) or roasted pea nuts …yummy I can still smell them.freshly roasted by boroma, or alur chop (fried potato stuffed hot snack- very typical Kolkata street food) from a nearby shop. This meant apart from their own family of four members, extended family of four more members, there were two of us my sister, that boro ma used to share her food with.

I understand all this today, never could guage anything back then. Just enjoyed the bounties they had to offer. Whenever I used to get some books from the school as prize for doing well, it was Jethu who appreciated those books and read them and re read them, making his own notes. 

Another day in a woman's life

September 27,2013

As I sit today, lazing comfortably in my drawing room on a cloudy day in Mumbai, suddenly my mind races back to the year 2000-01.  This was the year when finally my days as a student were over and I started taking baby steps in the real world.

I had passed out chartered accountancy final exam and had secured a job in a Government owned financial institution. The ICAI campus interview was taken by a panel of six senior heads from the organization and finally when I received the recruitment letter I was happy to join them.  Little did I know what was in store for me for the next few years!

This organization was set up to rehabilitate sick and dying industrial units in India. However, the FI itself was in the ICU in the year 2001 and the then Chairman in an effort to show that he wanted to do something for an otherwise dying institution had tried to infuse some life in the organization by infusing fresh blood through campus recruitments from premier financial and management institutes of India. That’s how we five youngsters had landed in an organization in which otherwise the average age was above 45.  The head office was in Kolkata, and for me it was easy to mingle with the peers and seniors in an organization where the primary language was Bengali.  This was my first taste of the financial corporate world. I spent roughly less than 3 years in this institution, where in I moved from Kolkata to Mumbai due to personal reasons and the organization easily accommodated my request for a transfer. On my personal life front I got promoted from being Ms. Agarwal, to Mrs. Jhunjhunwala and later a first time mom.  

Settling down in crazy Mumbai was may be a bit easier for me because of the lack of stress at work J.  However, the time spent in travelling in the local train from Kandivali to Nariman Point seemed such a waste when there was nothing much to be done after I reached office. Much of the day was spent more in talking with colleagues, playing on the computer and running personal errands. This lack of employment was true not just for me but till the highest levels. However, the learning which I got, was how to deal with the junior clerks who seem to have their own ways and choices of whether or not they would do a task assigned to them, learning my new lessons in office politics and in dealing with a variety of people. Apart from this, technically I learnt stuff just by happening to be around there, which helped me secure my next job with one of the leading banks in the country.

Some memories stay etched in our minds permanently. The interview process with the bank for me is one of them. The things that awed me about this organisation, was its building and the super cool interiors apart from the awe that you feel when you deal with something which you feel you are not good enough for! The little voice inside our head which sometimes makes you feel small L. The anticipation which I went through before my final meeting with the executive director is comparable only to the day when I delivered a speech on Gulf war (in hindi) scripted by myself, when I was in standard VIII in front of my whole school which was applauded and praised by all including the teachers the principal and the students. I was thrilled with the appreciation I received and can still hear the claps in my mind. That’s the day I conquered my fear of the stage and audience.

 I was super thrilled when I got the placement confirmation and it gave me a new found confidence in myself. Three years in a government organization, where I had done little, by way of actual work had taken its toll on me. But when we dig deeper into ourselves we can surprise ourselves with the results.  I remember the first day at the Bank wherein I got introduced to the persons and the senior I was to work with closely. 

It seemed everyday was a huge learning in this organization. The exposure which I got due to working in such a vibrating atmosphere is to be cherished. But at the same time, those were not easy days.  I came to understand some terms like workaholic boss, talent list, work pressure, performance appraisal, work comes first and then family. It was an intense tussle all the time within me trying to balance work and my little 5 month old baby. As a new and young mom, I wanted  to spend whatever time I had with my first born, but the demand of work and boss pulled me in the opposite direction. Weekends were supposed to be utilized for work, which I felt was not necessary. My biggest struggle on the personal front was when I was asked to go for a training for fifteen days outside the city, leaving my little one whom I was still feeding. I could not say no to my boss, when he proposed that I should go for this training called “ induction training” for new recruits. Somehow, for me feeding my baby in the evenings and the night meant a lot to me and in this respect, I have found my thought process different from a lot of my other friends for whom feeding was a big stress. For me it was fulfilling and joyful. However, the mom in me, could not stand against the career path I had myself chosen, and I went for the training program.  As a woman, I feel its easier for us to give in to our emotions by way of tears, and I still remember how miserable I was in the training classrooms, missing my baby all the time. The toilet breaks were utilized by me to let go of all the saline water which kept building up while sitting in the classroom. I don’t remember, much of what I learnt in that training, but I did manage to make some very good friendships across the bank. My baby was taken good care while I was away by my caring and loving family. He slept peacefully in the night without me, when I had spent sleepless nights in Chennai. When I returned after 15 days, I saw him happily walking up to me in his first few baby steps. He was 8 months old, and I had completed 3 months in the organization.  I had missed seeing his first step, missed hearing his first word and missed dressing him up in pretty girly clothes. All these joys of having a small baby were enjoyed by my mother in law and my sister in law. Having a great support system for a working woman helps her to feel comfortable at work, leaving the baby behind, however it does not dull the pain of missing out the precious moments of motherhood. If at times like this, the corporate world allows itself to be empathetic to their workers, I think it would be easier to retain talent over a longer period. As a society, we have changed dramatically in the last twenty years. Young girls study hard with the dream of enjoying a career, but the demands of marriage, motherhood and career is not easy to tackle.  Multi tasking is the norm and not an exception.  I still feel, in this area Corporate HR has to come a long way and understand that the motivational needs of every worker is different. If we have to tackle issues of attrition and retention, it would make a lot more sense, to bear for a few years and retain talent, depending on performance.  The work culture of long hours, just because everybody else is doing it, needs to be shunned.

When my first performance appraisal happened, my boss made it pretty clear that much more was expected of me than what I had managed so far, and that day was a big low. Constant demands of motherhood, and challenging worklife in a new work place left me feeling breathless most of the time.  But still I did not want to give in to my emotional self before trying my best at my work life and that’s what kept me going.  It probably would have been a lot easier to tackle motherhood alone, but having an easy life is not what we want.

This issue is something I feel most young women would face at a particular time of their life. Its an unavoidable cycle when you want to be part of an educated middle class where the woman is not happy just to be a wife or a mother and craves for more. The answers are not easy and each one has to do their own introspection and decide how best she can take care of her emotional self and her professional self. As for me, I am glad I got the opportunity to do whatever I did, and would may be do the same thing again if I life was to take a u turn! Every experience teaches us and enriches us. The choice of being career oriented or home bound is never going to be simple for us women.  But then who wants a simple life! If there are no questions one would never look for the answers. Our inner struggles and victories and losses are what we are J)

Moving Back

July 9, 2013

A happy day! Siyona also gets admitted to GEA. Kshitij has already settled back in happily with his old friends and school.  It has been less than a month since we landed in Mumbai, but now I feel as though I never went away. Everything is just the way it was, it is only me who has changed in a lot of ways in the last two years.  Now, I understand  the true meaning of home coming. The familiarity and the routine is what makes and keeps me happy. I don’t have to make an effort to feel calm and peaceful.

I AM calm, happy and at peace. Simple.

Its rainy season in Mumbai and the roads are always packed, the potholes seem larger and more murkier and the house is may be 1/5^th the size of my Lagos apartment, right now is bursting with people and things. But that does not in any way reduces my happiness.  Our happiness is never derived from the house we live in or the car we drive in, it is always dependent on the work we do and the people we meet. Take away the freedom of the pauper and give him a mansion to live, I wonder whether he would be happy! Freedom to move, think, act is what life means to me.

Mind plays pranks on us, when that freedom is taken away and only the strongest of humans can live happily in an environment of imprisonment. Community and social life are important factors which can play a big role in the happiness of a family. The children are the easiest to adapt to changing environments, since their happiness is derived from the security of their parents. For the Man it is easy to adapt to a location like Lagos, since the mind space is not so huge, but for the woman, Lagos is truly a challenging location. I would classify myself a survivor in Lagos. It was a huge learning experience and if I have to ever do a location like this again, I know a bit better now and will be easier.